She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
