bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My liver is preforming stress tests.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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