You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
