There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
