Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
