You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
