dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
