I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize