i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
