Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize