We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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