if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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