i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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