The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
