Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
