I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
