I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
