hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
