I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
