Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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