I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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