Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
