I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
