My friends, they love my intelligence
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
