She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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