I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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