Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
