girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
