Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
where am i from again
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
