I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
