even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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