Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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