tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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