He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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