I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
