My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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