this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
