My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
