so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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