I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
