So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i love accidental penises.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
