Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
