"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
