My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
