I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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