maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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