My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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