I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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