im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
