that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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