hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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