just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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