Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
