...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
