Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
