I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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