First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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