My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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