your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
