you would pick up someone in the library
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
