she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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