I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have post one night stand depression
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
