I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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