Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
