Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
