peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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