ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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