Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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