So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
