Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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