but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
