I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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