I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
