Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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