Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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