saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
