did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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